Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My vagina is officially offended.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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