You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
