Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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