I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
