I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
