fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
