Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
