I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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