Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
