soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
