I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
