I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
