sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
