; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
