one two three fourrrrnication!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
