I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
