I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
that is very illegal...i love you.
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