I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
