I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
