So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
