I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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