oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
