omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
