we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
