I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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