There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
