There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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