The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
