Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
