thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
