This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize