i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
