I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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