If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
