At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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