There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize