Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
