You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
