Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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