somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
