I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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