this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
