That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
