I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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