i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize