She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
