He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
