Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
