can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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