First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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