yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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