I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
