He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
