My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
