Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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