Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
