I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
