If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
