We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize