There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
