The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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