i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
