do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
