the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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