there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize