I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
