I'm so fucking centered right now
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
