just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
