why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
