I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
