I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
