Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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