I accidentally had phone sex last night
i permit you to call me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
