gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize