my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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