Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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