Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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